The student is a woman in her forties, happily married for many years. The pattern she chose to work with was fear of disapproval, especially from her family. She reported, "I always met with my mother's disapproval (I was even born the wrong gender!!) and I do have a constant fear of disapproval from other people. It has gotten bad enough that somewhere along the line I began to close down and hide who I was from anyone who disapproved of anything, which of course is everyone in the world when you're feeling like that!"

When the class began, she was at the point of feeling she had to take a stand about the problem behavior of one of her siblings, who had a life-long pattern of irresponsibility and rudeness that disrupted family gatherings. He relied on manipulation, secrecy, intimidation and family denial to continue in the disruptive pattern.

Our student felt impelled to speak out, for the sake of all concerned, and yet was very frightened to do so. Considering that we were limited to a single remedy for the class project, it had to be one that would be a fulcrum for a deeper change -- something to get to the core of the difficulty and catalyze movement. We suggested FES' Goldenrod as a strengthening essence that would make it easier to tackle other facets of the problem. It is for those who are dis-empowered by caring too much about the approval of others (especially family), as the essence helps them to feel right about following their own true nature.

Her First Report: "I began the Goldenrod essence on Wednesday night. On Thursday I noticed that I had a craving for it! I wanted to keep taking doses of it! Friday there was an ice storm and the power was out. We have tropical pets that cannot tolerate cold, and my husband and I had words over my wish to get them to a warmer place. He has a bad back and was working hard to get our generator running, so he called me a 'hysterical woman'. I gave him a few strong words, and he backed off, and I apologized for worrying more than I should have when he had his hands full, and all was better.

"The difference was that normally I'd be tough about it on the outside, then inside be going, 'Oh, no!!! He disapproves of what I said! I'm just being a big old bitch and I have no right to!' I'd be depressed most of the night and try to smile through my shame. Well, I didn't feel nearly as much disapproval as usual!"

Second Report: "Week 2... honeymoon over! I found myself wide-awake at 4:00 a.m. with my heart pounding and in a total panic. I was worried about everything that I could possibly worry about concerning every choice or non-choice I have ever made. I suddenly felt like I had handled every situation wrong, behaved totally wrong, reacted wrong, and was wrong, period! I told myself that it was just feelings coming up and that I should go back to sleep. Then I started to dream, and all of my dreams were about my mother. For the rest of the week I felt very depressed and like a lowly worm of a person. I continued to take the Goldenrod, but cut back to twice a day, thinking that maybe I was going too fast with it.

"I have been back to my music part time and didn't even want to go to rehearsal. I felt I would sound terrible, and everyone would wonder why they let me back in the band in the first place. At practice, I had a hard time staying focused and struggled through. Then something shifted again. I found myself with 'attitude'. By Saturday night, I had a great time playing and singing. In the last set of the night when I was getting really exhausted and making mistakes I was able to laugh and just go with it. I've also been able to review how my night went musically and make mental notes about what I wish to improve on, without kicking myself for not being good enough in the first place."

Third Report: The student noted continued progress and insight:

"Today was Easter, the day I was worried about being disapproved of because I dared to rock the boat. I called my brother on the carpet for consistently being rude while upsetting my father, who makes excuses for him. Well, it went very well! In fact, my father ended up being annoyed with my brother for some of the same behavior that I called attention to. My brother was trying harder to socialize with me again. I was so scared when I began to take a stand, but I think I've managed to shift the energy in a new direction that might begin some good changes.

"I was brought up to 'not embarrass us', and that certainly meant not being strange or unconventional in any way. So I became one person in private and another in public... but too much so! We all have this difference, but I became a person that hides everything from the world. Not bad things, just anything that might be disapproved of or seen as 'weird'. I need the guts to say 'here I am, and you can just deal with it.' I have experienced a real improvement this month of taking my essence!!

"When I was younger, in high school and shortly after, I was unafraid to speak up and to even get in someone's face if I really had to. I lost that along the way as I tried to be approved of and not embarrass anyone with my actions. I knew that I was different from many people, but since I didn't know anyone like myself I simply worked to fit in better. I gave myself up in the process! During the time I took this essence I realized that this disapproval stuff is all about control, about other people keeping me where they want me. And I got extremely angry for a time!!! I feel like Goldenrod is giving me a leg up in finding my voice again and the hell with peoples' disapproval as long as I approve of myself!"

Summary: The student made excellent progress in shifting her responses to both real and imagined disapproval and gained a great deal of insight in the process. To solidify the healing, she may wish to continue Goldenrod for a while. This is not to say she will never again feel afraid of disapproval or shamed by it, for there will always be people who disapprove of us and who use our shame over that disapproval to manipulate or control us. (Get more insight into shame and additional remedies for it here.)

However, she has new insights and tools to work with when confronted with such situations. For instance, she can have a booster shot of Goldenrod essence when they arise. We can anticipate that her comfort level in dealing with the inevitable disagreements will increase over time. Goldenrod may well prove to be a major change agent, because overcoming the fear of disapproval can increase her ease in tackling any number of new and wonderful endeavors.

ART CREDITS: Clip art from Art Today and Print Perfect. The goldenrod photo comes from the Dean Collection of wildflower photos, formerly online at the University of Alabama, which can no longer be found.