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Friends or more than friends? Handling sexual tension in a friendship


Note: This is an excerpt from a forthcoming book: The Flower Essences of Fox Mountain: a Guide to Self-healing, Recovery, and Reconnecting to Earth, Soul and Spirit.

Sometimes friendship is the springboard towards finding a mate or lover. Sometimes lovers or mates remain friends after their sexual relationship is finished. Perhaps most often, friends want to stay friends, especially if they are in other committed relationships.

When those involved are ambivalent, selfish, or unclear, sexual energy can be embarrassing, uncomfortable, and confusing -- not to mention painful and hurtful to others. When it is one-sided, it can make one friend act in ways that baffle the other. When it is mutual, it can lead to circumstances that hurt others and destroy other relationships.

Even when friends are not otherwise committed, there are many reasons for choosing not to explore the sexual dimensions of the relationship. How can you deal with this powerful energy? Flower essences can bring balance to the energies and self-awareness to the situation. Here are some possibilities from Flower Essences of Fox Mountain.



Angelica -- for angelic guidance and protection.

Alyssum -- when attraction is one-sided, a crush or projection onto the friend.

Blackberry -- aligns the will with the higher self.

Black-eyed Susan -- denial of one's own attraction to the friend, or the friend's attraction to oneself.

Black Cohosh -- transforming sexual energy into other forms of expression.

Chive -- when gender, or a projection of one's own anima or animus, is the cause of the attraction, rather than the other's personality, mind, or selfhood.

Clary Sage -- sensuality in life, not only in sexuality. Meeting one's own needs and taking responsibility for one's own sexuality as a whole person.

Honeysuckle -- releases the nostalgia of former relationships.

Houseleek -- cleansing to the reproductive organs, sexual chakras, and sexual energies. Releases old pain and hurt.

Hyssop -- releases guilt. Brings awareness to what one feels guilty about, and the origins of the feelings.

Interesting Times -- dealing with the challenging situation in a larger life perspective.

Iris Black -- depression or funk about the situation.

Pink Lady's Slipper -- balances lower and higher chakra energies.

Lovage -- feeling okay about one's body, accepting one's bodily needs without needing to "prove" yourself.

Motherwort -- softens what is rigid or hardened, such as attitudes, beliefs, or body armoring, in order to talk about feelings.

Mullein -- strength and integrity, honesty about one's motives and intentions.

Mauve Mullein -- cleanses mixed up emotional energies from higher chakras. Enhances clear thinking and connection to higher self.

Rose "Gertrude Jekyll" -- when we feel stuck in a situation. Opens heart and soul to source of inner joy. Helps us seek love and joy where we are truly nourished.

Rose "Mme LeGras de St Germain" -- when we are afraid or reluctant to love because of past pain. Soothes old hurts. Helps us find calm and peace in heart and soul.

Twelve Roses -- engages and expands the heart and soul, for a larger picture in which sexuality is one piece.

Sage -- learning from the situation.

Shasta Daisy -- seeing the larger picture.

Snapdragon -- when sexual energy is expressed verbally, aggressively. Balances and channels this energy more consciously and appropriately.

Spiderwort -- when inappropriate sexual attraction is a pattern, helps to see the pattern in one's life.

Vision Quest -- for seeking one's path.

Waterlily -- opening gently at one's own pace, feeling safe to share feelings.

White Bleeding Heart -- when love seems conditional or unattainable. When love and yearning hurt.

Wild Ginger -- being content within ourselves and our lives. Humility. Letting go of the sensational.

Master Yarrow -- for strengthening boundaries, not responding unconsciously to others' energies.

Pink Yarrow -- too much vulnerability to other's emotions. Confusion about what one really feels. Provides emotional protection.


The bottom line in a friendship--as with any relationship--is awareness of our own power of choice within it. If we are willing to see and own what we've created in our lives, our friends and lovers can hold up the most intimate and useful of mirrors to our eyes, revealing us to ourselves. The choice of how, or if, we will be friends is up to each of us. We can give love, or use love, or lose love, but unconditional love has never diminished anyone.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Ziporah Hildebrandt began working with flower essences in 1979. An award-winning children's book author, her writing has appeared in numerous publications including The Flower Speaks; Parenting from the Heart; Herb Quarterly; Nutrition Science News; and Her Words: Poetry About the Great Goddess. She is available for telephone consultations at 413-259-1874, or see www.astroessence.com.

This page is a creation of Donna Cunningham's Word of Mouth Web Design, a service that specializes in creating beautiful and unique sites to showcase the gifts of lightworkers, artists, astrologers, and practitioners of the healing arts. Graphic images from Photos.com.
The World Wide Essence Society does not mean to imply any recommendation of nor give certification to any individuals or companies above. This article is provided purely for informational purposes. We ask consumers to make their own determination as to quality of the services and products offered above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.
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