©2007 by Connie Barrett
People in the negative Honeysuckle state are caught in a time warp, living largely in the past. Some allow wistful memories of happier times to entrap them. Others are imprisoned in webs of regret and the fear that the future will turn out no better than the past. Although people of all ages can benefit from this essence, it has particular value for older people. Take for instance these two elderly Irish-American women, Bridget and Nora. They get together for a cup of tea, look at a tourist magazine about Ireland, and drift back into memories of their native land.
Nora: Only look at that green; it makes me feel bright inside. You never see that kind of green in this country; the color of dirt I called the grass when I first came here.
Bridget: There's no arguing with your good sense about that. And I recall the sound of a donkey's hooves clip-clopping softly on a dirt road, the smell of a turf fire. But I can tell you I wouldn't want to be jouncing in the cart the donkey was pulling or cooking over the lovely turf fire. I'm that fond of my stove, and you wouldn't hear me saying no to a ride in a car, with all that suspension for smooth traveling.
Nora (clutching her heart): But Bridget, remember the kindness and the respect for the aged. Not to speak ill of my children, but if I'd treated my mother as if her brains had turned to water, she'd have given me the back of her hand.
Bridget: You have the right of it there. Family and respect meant something back in the old days. If I were in Ireland, I'd have a grand wee cottage and a vegetable patch. I wouldn't be spending the remainder of my life wondering what use I am to anyone now.
Nora: Coming to this country was the worst decision I ever made.
Seniors face special challenges in maintaining perspective on the past. In purely functional terms, the older you get, the more memories you have. The more distant a memory, the greater the chance that it may be distorted. Alone, these factors wouldn't necessarily contribute to a negative Honeysuckle state, but they are joined by more significant elements. The longer you live, the more death becomes part of your emotional landscape. Thus, memories may become darkened by the shadow of loss. These losses also provide more occasions to regret disagreements that led to severed relationships. This is especially likely to happen if seniors feel lonely and isolated in their current lives.
Although the perception that they should just sit in their rocking chairs and relax is diminishing, it hasn't disappeared. Those who feel they have no access to a meaningful and compelling future are vulnerable to becoming marooned in the past. I believe that the marginal status in society that most seniors occupy is the primary reason so many of them become stuck in the past. Although retirement is painted as an opportunity to enjoy the rewards of a life of work (as heaven is promoted as the reward for a moral life), those who worked hard and have sacrificed find those rewards pretty small. Having too much free time and being understimulated by their present circumstances, they turn to the past; but memories are a mixed blessing.
Some review the choices made during long lives and conclude that they made serious mistakes. They may be sorry that they didn't take certain career or marital risks. Regret focuses on opportunities not experienced: lovers not enjoyed, countries not seen, adventures not taken. Many feel imprisoned by their decisions.
In turning to the past, seniors often succumb to the temptation to rewrite it. Nora and Bridget may remember respect for the aged in their native land, but another Irish emigrant might say, "You think the aged were respected? Do you know how many old people I saw stowed away in the attic or put in a home?" (This memory may also be distorted.)
While each of us experiences and remembers events through our individual filters, the gap between Honeysuckle memories and reality can be striking. A father remembered as kind and loving may have beaten his young children; an "attentive" mother might have spent most of her time drinking or passed out.
In such instances, the individual tries to control the past by rewriting it into memories without pain. This can impact the decisions she makes in the present. A woman who describes her deceased husband as the best man in the world may say she can't imagine any other man replacing him. Secretly, she may think of him as the worst man in the world and have no appetite for marrying again.
While changes in how we view the role of seniors in society is crucial, change is also an inside job, and Honeysuckle can play an important role. Taking this essence can give seniors special help in remembering happy moments from the past without being attached to them, and to see what they regret as lessons learned through living. Overall, they can learn to see the past as evidence that they are growing, changing individuals, guided by the ever-changing impulses of the inner self. Through accepting the past, they can use it as a foundation for a satisfying past and an inspiring future.
SUPPORTIVE MEASURES FOR GETTING UNSTUCK
There's nothing wrong with having fond memories of the past -- unless they diminish one's appreciation of the present. I would never advise a person needing Honeysuckle to throw away their precious memorabilia, only to not use them as addictive substances.
The best way to happily bridge past and present is to deliberately look for things to appreciate about the present. Honeysuckle people can benefit from long walks in nature and by finding focused ways to appreciate it. Gardening, as an activity that roots one to both the present and the physical plane, can be especially valuable.
The older person in need of Honeysuckle strongly needs an environment of his peers: a seniors' center, special classes where retired people can learn things they may have neglected in the past: painting, drama, music. These kinds of services are becoming increasingly available, and I have seen them literally give senior citizens new leases on life.
Although Honeysuckle is the primary essence for rebalancing memories, additional Bach Flower Remedies may help. If memories are tinged with resentment, Willow can be taken. Those who cling to the past because they lack the confidence to carve out the future can benefit from Larch. Gentian can help with feelings of discouragement.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Connie Barrett is a frequent contributor to Vibration Magazine. She does flower essence counseling for people and pets, including
by email. She also teaches by email a course on the
chakras, on prosperity, and on love, including the use of crystals and
essences for realizing your dreams. She writes and publishes two free
monthly email newsletters (subscribe here).
DESIGN CREDITS: This page was designed by Deborah Bier and Donna Cunningham; photos are from Clipart.com.
The World Wide Essence Society does not mean to imply any recommendation of nor give certification to any individuals or companies above. This article is provided purely for informational purposes. We ask consumers to make their own determination as to quality of the services and products offered above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.
