©2003 by Lila Devi

At dinner the other evening with company, the topic turned to why men heal more slowly from breakups than women. One thought I had -- and I'm embarrassed to admit, not a very fair one -- was: "Oh, that's because they're usually in denial of the pain." My girlfriend's husband answered quite differently. He volunteered: "Men heal more slowly from breakups because they're so soft." He added that it took him eight years to heal from a divorce before he was ready to date again.

Is my friend an exception to the rule of men who don't deal with heartbreak? I think not, and my flower essence consultations for men substantiate this view. (Granted, only about 5% of my consultation clients are men, and only a mere 5% comprise the audience of my seminars, but that's another subject.) Just because men process their issues differently than women doesn't mean they don't process them. Even in our relatively unchauvanistic society, it's easy to stereotype men: that they don't like to be told they need fixing, or that they think there's nothing to fix in the first place.

A recent consultation with a retired clinical psychologist provided the following report. His introspective self-evaluation reveals a profound understanding of his own psyche, both before and after the essence program: "On the essences, if something bugged me and I was annoyed or angry, it was not an agitated feeling; there was no pressure to say or do anything rash or impulsive. I have always had to exert some degree of constraint with anger in my life. On the remedies, there was no adrenalin response to my annoyance. I had a calmness, and when it was important to assert myself, I did, in a calm, soft-spoken manner. This calmness and ease is now felt with all my feelings."

Another man reported a different response to his program -- more subtle but nonetheless noticeable, both to himself and those close to him. He said the essences were responsible for his new comfort in his social life while visiting with an old aunt he'd not seen in many years. He not only made an effort to find her after losing touch; he also said it was a very connective time for them both. Such outgoing behavior would have previously been foreign to his nature.

In my essence line of 20 remedies, the Master's Flower Essences, I have created a framework for explaining their "personalities" in what is called a Spectrum. The essences are arranged in a circular pattern somewhat like an astrological horoscope, beginning with Lettuce for calmness and ending with Grape for love and devotion. The Spectrum is divided into 4 Quadrants of 5 essences each, and also into feminine and masculine halves of 10 each. This does not mean that only women can take the feminine essences, or men, the masculine; it is basically a system for making the nature of the essences more accessible. However, this chart can be used to help men develop their feminine qualities and women enhance their masculine aspects. Some of the essences especially helpful to men are described below.

Tomato, in the masculine half of the Spectrum, is for strength, courage, and empowerment. Pear, also in the masculine half and our equivalent of Rescue Remedy, is for peacefulness, not to be confused with passivity. At the same time, men wanting to work on their feminine attributes often benefit from Raspberry, located in the feminine half of the Spectrum, for kind-heartedness. This is also the essence to dissipate grudges and resentment. In a culture that is still somewhat prohibitive of allowing men to express their softer emotions, anger can often be an issue that is directly addressed with this remedy in particular. Lettuce, too, helps women as well as men deal with their anger. More than a few clients have reported that this essence has actually saved their marriages and prevented them from acting out this emotion in ways that would have destroyed their relationships.

Do men respond to flower essences as well as women? Absolutely. Are their results as noticeable? No question about it. As Terence, a comic playwright of ancient Rome, said of the male consciousness: "I am a man; nothing human is alien to me." Including the mind and the emotions and how to restore them to a state of balance through natural healing methods such as flower essences.

ART CREDITS: Art Today.

The World Wide Essence Society does not mean to imply any recommendation of nor give certification to any individuals or companies above. This article is provided purely for informational purposes. We ask consumers to make their own determination as to quality of the services and products offered above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.

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