Note: The following is an excerpt from the author's The South
African Flower Essences, and is also part of a longer article on the website of
Fleurs de Vie,
a French essence distributor. The website features a fine collection of articles
about a variety of international essences, including
many about children, parenting and families.
Adolescence is essentially a time of transition when the child, rather like the caterpillar in the pupa, transforms into the adult or butterfly. Adolescents are no longer children but not yet adults. They, too, are sealed off in a pupa-like reality where perspective on the world is entirely subjective and minor incidents take on life or death proportions, where being blocked or frustrated can feel like the end of the world. However, the intensity of the emotions they experience is not to be underestimated. The teenage years can be very challenging for both those going through them and those in the caretaking role, whether they be parents or teachers.
Teenagers are not automatically difficult and 'otherwise'. They need to feel
heard and understood, and it is up to us adults to develop the listening and caring
skills, to be able to hear without judgement or criticism. We need to avoid dishing
out unasked-for advice and simply be there for them unconditionally and solidly,
keeping our own egos out of the way and guiding from the background.
Flower essences offer an alternative to the head-on collisions that so often occur
across the generation gap. Perhaps the first of the South African Flower Essences
that is applicable is the Parenting Essence, a combination formula to put us
in the right frame of mind to undertake this. If we want our offspring to mature into
responsible adults, if we need to give them the space to be adolescents, to be irrational,
temperamental, irresponsible and extreme, the indicated essence is probably once
again the Parenting Essence.
Growing up is a scary affair. Outwardly adult yet inwardly child, the teenager is thrust
headlong into the adult world, ready or not. Adolescence Essence is specifically
designed to assist teenagers in the transformative process. It is a combination of seven
essences, each of which can also be used individually when appropriate:
Cape Almond, Dune Calendula, Loquat, Maple, Mountain Cabbage Tree,
Plumbago and Wild Pear.
Taken individually, Cape Almond essence grounds one and provides a sense of
security, enabling one to act from a sense of personal authority as opposed
to following the crowd like a sheep. It addresses the issues of fear, of making a fool of oneself, fear of failure and fear of the future, enabling one to develop self-confidence and act from a sense of personal power.
Dune Calendula is an essence which deals with periods of transition,
whether it be adolescence, mid-life crisis or as a result of divorce or death. Whenever you,
or those you care about, are facing a period of change in your life, this is the essence to
use. The changes that divorce or death bring, when combined with the already burdensome
matter of growing up, are often seriously traumatic for teenagers. Adults, caught up in
their own pain, are less available to provide a support system for youngsters whose
worlds have often collapsed in confusing disarray.
When your teenagers mope around the house complaining of being bored, don't
want to get out of bed or eat properly, are unwilling to participate in anything
with enthusiasm and are generally apathetic, give them Loquat essence.
This essence assists them in taking hold of life and getting on with it. It is
also the main remedy indicated for anorexia, although we would suggest that,
for this condition, you take an in-depth look as well at the issues of depressed anger,
self-worth and self-esteem.
When your adolescent children are never at home, always on the go, "filling that
unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run", to quote Kipling,
Maple essence is for those who burn the candle at both ends, possibly depleting
their physical resources. It is particularly recommended for periods of physical growth
and brings about a sense of balance and harmony. There are times when teenagers do
have to knuckle down and be responsible. Mountain Cabbage Tree is the essence
to give them.
Adults who themselves carry shame pass it on unconsciously to their children. There
are so many subtle ways to shame a teenager, and if we can become conscious of the
messages we imprint on our children's psyches, we can set about changing ourselves.
Instead of berating them for all the things they are not, we need to tell them, and
show them from the moment of birth onwards, how loved they are, how wonderful, beautiful,
intelligent and deserving of the very best life has to offer. We want the beliefs and
attitudes they absorb, and build their lives on, to be as strong and positive as we can
possibly make them. We want our children to dream and to want more, knowing it is within
reach -- it motivates them!
One of the problems in implementing this is that if we ourselves have unresolved issues of
shame or guilt, because our children are so close to us and we feel them to be intrinsically
part of us, we will probably find it difficult to give them what we do not have ourselves.
Consciousness is the key, and that is within reach of everyone. Become aware of your own
issues and use flower essences to help you peel off the old skins, like the layers on an onion,
to free yourself and those you love. Plumbago, Crab Apple and Fig are all
essences to work with for clearing the past and letting go of unnecessary baggage. Remember
that you have within you an inner child and an inner adolescent, and that you may be
projecting the unresolved angers, betrayals and pain of your own youth onto your offspring.
If you yourself take Adolescent Essence, it addresses this part of you and can make a huge
difference.
The point
we want our teenagers to reach is where they have an inner knowing: "I'm okay just the way
I am. I don't have to prove anything to myself or to anyone else. I am capable,
I value myself and I want to stretch myself, dream into the future I
want to create for myself and my world. I want to reach into exciting new areas for the
pleasure of exploring myself and my abilities." Then we will have a future generation
equipped to take our planet into the twenty-first century.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jannet Unite-Penny made the South African Flower
Essences on the slopes of the magical Table Mountain in the Cape of Good
Hope, which lies at the southern tip of Africa. Here the energy ley lines,
which run the length of the continent, converge, amplifying and focusing the
continental energy. Table Mountain is an enormously powerful energy site and
is regarded by many as one of the twelve chakras of the planet. The San
(Bushman) and African people hold it as a sacred place of healing in their
traditions. For more information -- and more articles -- visit the South African
Flower Essences web
site. These essences are distributed in the United States by Healing Waters.
ART CREDITS: Our featured artist for this issue, Lesa Motz created the yellow-orange tiles.
Children's photographs from Art Today
The World Wide Essence Society does not mean to imply any recommendation of nor give certification to any individuals or companies above. This article is provided purely for informational purposes. We ask consumers to make their own determination as to quality of the services and products offered above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.
